Miscellanous Father Ted Stuff
(Updated 2000-02-27 09:58:44)
Andrew Williamson recently held a poll on the Priest-Chatback mailing list, the aim of which being to determine people's favourite priest. The results are as follows:
So a clear victory there for Noel. All together now...
"You saw the whole of the moon..."
"Ooh they're a maaad crowd"Arrived at pub to discover that some graduation dinner of some kind was going on nearby and the revellers had chosen our pub to warm up in before going on to their meal. John phoned us on the mobile to tell us he was in the pub but we couldn't find him anywhere (It's London's Biggest TedCon, so I understand). In the end we had Ian and John both on mobiles inside the pub fighting through the bodies looking for each other.
"We're all going for pizza lads.. waaaaayy"
After a couple of pints and a suitable wait to see if hordes of people would be inspired to come down to London for TedCon (no), we went in search of Pizza. Everyone but Ian & I paid 4 quid for endless supplies of lukewarm pizza from the buffet. Ian & I paid twice as much and obtained about half as much lukewarm pizza from the set menu. Our Dougal-like expressions for once required no effort.
"You've lost him again haven't you Dougal"
Feeling ill from the pathetic pizza, we moved on to find a different pub for the Ian & Jen Fr Ted trivia quiz and John's IQ (Impossible Quotes) test. The first pub was a bit on the dark and seedy side (although John seemed to like it just fine) so we moved on to another. The second had no space for eight idiots doing Fr Ted impressions so we moved on again. It was only when we'd made ourselves comfortable in pub #3 that we suddenly noticed that there were only seven of us. Worse, the missing person was the guy with the car. Yes folks, Father Matthew had gone to the loo in pub #1 and emerged to find absolutely no trace of us... Fortunately he had the sense to hang around and wait for us to come looking for him (he had the car remember) and not get paranoid and think we'd done it deliberately. He's certainly no Fr Purcell or Fr Stone.
"You're only the SECOND best priest"
And so began John's quotes test. Six fiendishly difficult quotations and all we had to do was name the Priest that said it, and the name of the episode it came from. Personally, I can remember everything that happens, when and why, and all the quotes, but I'll be damned if I can remember what the names of the episodes and obscure Fathers are. So I gave up and sulked. Ian won that test. Next was the Ian & Jen Trivia quiz with prizes (I kid you not). This time it was some 30-odd questions (or 30 odd-questions) about all aspects of Father Tedness, including such delights as "What does Jack say when Ted and Dougal move his chair out from under the leaking roof?" and "Name 5 priests from the list that Mrs Doyle guesses when she tries to guess Todd Unctious's name". As the results came in it was clear that there were only two lovely horses in the race, John, our esteemed Craggy Island guru, and myself, long time friend of the people who'd devised the quiz.
However, even with the help of secret signals and the answer paper I was unable to overhaul John's mighty score of 37 and came second in the sports day with only 36. As for the others, well, let's just say they ran off the course in the wrong direction (you flipping flipping flipper). And so the prize for the winner? A hand-crafted golden cleric, lovingly sculpted and painted by Jen (and supposedly destined for my mantelpiece - "God I Hate Father John Arundel"). No doubt a picture of the winning priest with his prize will appear in the Examiner in due course. As for myself, I received a class 2 relic as the second best priest, to whit, a miniature Holy Stone of Clonrichert. "Yeah, Great."
"GoodNIGHT Dougal"
Obviously thrilled by his triumph, at "a ten past the eleven", Father Arundel sought to move on to the disco - ("Tony Lynch knows who I'm talking about!"), and our transport home threatened to do the same but we sat on him until he sobered up ("seeing things as they really are now Father?") and took the tiredy priests back to 'Jurassic Park' ("I really shouldnt be here"). Hope to see you all at Summer TedCon 98 where it will be me ME ME! receiving the golden cleric and making a speech - "Where are you NOW, Father John Arundel, while I'm here receiving an award for being a really GREAT priest!"
Thanks Iain. Both quizzes will be reproduced here shortly so that non-attendees can try in vain to prove themselves better than me and Ian.
And thanks to Jen for sculpting the magnificent Golden Cleric, which e'en now reposes in pride of place on my mantelpiece, just above the creaky floorboard.
I take no responsibility for any of those.
Unfortunately I can't remember who sent it to me, so if you want recognition for your efforts write in!
FJSS.ZIP (74K)D'Unbelievables
The music and sketch team of Pat Shortt and Jon Kenny, otherwise known as D'Unbelievables, has recently finished a tour and is preparing material for a new show, according to Limerick entertainment magazine 'The Drop'.CyberJack
Gary Tolley writes:Thanks for a great "unofficial" web site, just what was needed to brighten up a boring day.Interesting idea. Any cyber-pet manufacturers reading this?Just a thought though; now the world has gone mad over the cyber pet craze, how about a Father Jack Hackett cyber pet? If it needs looking after it has all the right sounds, "Drink", "Arse", "Girls" and "Feck". And when it reaches the stage when it dies from old age or from neglect it could keep repeating "we're all going to heaven lads... weheyyy!!" It would drive the teachers bonkers at school....
Obsessive fan of the week
Jane Burns writes:If you want another obsessive fan of the week, you should hear about my friend Doug Wells (in Des Moines, Iowa, smack dab in the middle of the US)In June, Doug saw Father Ted on TV while visiting Ireland. He talked and talked about it, then when I was in London in August I bought him a tape (the only tape I saw). I brought it back to the US, he paid $20 to have it converted, watched it at least 20 times or so. He passed a copy on to the programming director at a local public television station that features British comedies (and also happens to be our boss's husband).
Then, he found out there was another tape. So he had a friend in London buy it for him, mail it to him and he paid another $20 to convert this one, too. When I went over to his house to watch it the other night, he was watching it for the third time. I went to his house yesterday and he was going to watch it with his kids. This would have been his 5th or so viewing.
Censorship
Ian from Canada reports that CBC actually went to the trouble of bleeping out Jack's 'Hairy Japanese Bastards!' in TP when it was shown recently. Has anyone else seen any examples of FT censorship, absurd or otherwise, on other networks? I'd like to know.Make a pilgrimage to Craggy Island
Paul from Warrington informs us that one can indeed visit Inisheer, otherwise known as Craggy Island, and you can even see the wrecked boat from the title sequence. Hurrah.Father Jack's New Word
There is a rumour afoot that Graham and Arthur have asked for suggestions for a new word to add to Jack's current vocabulary of 'Feck', 'Arse', 'Drink', and 'Girls'. Graham asks me to point out that this is something they intend to do one day, but not now. Please don't send any more suggestions to them as Hat Trick are overwhelmed with letters!The implausibly-named Rick O'Shea, writes
I did a competition on "Rick In The Afternoon" (my afternoon drive show on Dublin's FM104) this week to find a new word for Father Jack... My favourite submission?? Crevice...... And my own personal suggestion to follow "Drink", "Arse", "Feck" and "Girls"...... the next dirtiest word in Ireland.... "Charlie....."The Father Ted Appreciation Society
I am informed that the above society was set up in September 1996 at DCU. Its aims include (well, actually, comprise) drinking and watching FT. Fair play to them. As far as I know they don't have any web pages yet though.Father Ted T-shirts
Ted T-shirts now available in all record shops that sell Father Ted T-shirts.Ah. But do they sell Craggy Island Examiner T-shirts? I don't think so! Who's got a mate in a screen-printing works who can get some done cost, no questions asked?
'ekman' from the US wonders if any American outlets might stock such garments. Anyone know?
(Updated 2000-02-26 19:43:44)