>>>> > "Lawyers typically aren't funny -- unless by accident.
>>>> > Case in point: The following questions from lawyers were
>>>> > taken from official court records nationwide...
>>>> >
>>>> > 1)  Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
>>>> >
>>>> > 2)  Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person
>>>> >     dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes
>>>> >     quietly away and doesn't know anything about it
>>>> >     until the next morning?
>>>> >
>>>> > 3)  Q: What heppened then?
>>>> >     A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because
>>>> >        you can identify me.'
>>>> >     Q: Did he kill you?
>>>> >
>>>> > 4)  Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
>>>> >
>>>> > 5)  The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
>>>> >
>>>> > 6)  Were you alone or by yourself.
>>>> >
>>>> > 7)  How long have you been a French Canadian?
>>>> >
>>>> > 8)  Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
>>>> >
>>>> > 9)  Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize
>>>> >        that picture.
>>>> >     A: That's me.
>>>> >     Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?
>>>> >
>>>> > 10) Were you present in court this morning when you were
>>>> >     sworn in?
>>>> >
>>>> > 11) Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage
>>>> >        terminated?
>>>> >     A: By death.
>>>> >     Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
>>>> >
>>>> > 12) Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
>>>> >     A: I'll be three months on November 8.
>>>> >     Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was
>>>> >        August 8?
>>>> >     A: Yes.
>>>> >     Q: What were you doing at that time?
>>>> >
>>>> > 13) Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally
>>>> >        stable?
>>>> >     A: I used to be.
>>>> >     Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
>>>> >
>>>> > 14) So you were gone until you returned?
>>>> >
>>>> > 15) Q: She had three children, right?
>>>> >     A: Yes.
>>>> >     Q: How many were boys?
>>>> >     A: None.
>>>> >     Q: Were there girls?
>>>> >
>>>> > 16) You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what
>>>> >     it looked like, but can you describe it?
>>>> >
>>>> > 17) Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
>>>> >     A: Yes.
>>>> >     Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
>>>> >
>>>> > 18) Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
>>>> >     A: Not yet.
>>>> >
>>>> > 19) A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of
>>>> >     unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself
>>>> >     and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next
>>>> >     question."
>>>> >
>>>> > 20) Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you
>>>> >        examined the body of Mr. Edington at the rose
>>>> >        Chapel?
>>>> >     A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about
>>>> >        8:30 p.m.
>>>> >     Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that
>>>> >        correct?
>>>> >     A: No, you stupid, he was sitting on the
>>>> >        table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!
>
>
>>Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. -- Oscar Wilde
>>
>>The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
>>The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
>>The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much does it cost?"
>>The graduate with a Liberal Arts degress asks, "Do you want fries with
>>that?"
>>
>>I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I
>>hate plants.  -- A. Whitney Brown
>>
>>A great many people think that they are thinking when they are merely
>>rearranging prejudices.  -- William James
>>
>>The Lord's Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address is 286 words, there
>>1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence, but the government
>>regulations on the sale of cabbage totals 26,911 words. -- From an article
>>on the growth of federal regulations in the Oct.24th Issue of the National
>>Review.
>>
>>Half of the people in the world are below average.
>>
>>There is so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the
>>streets?? -- Dick Cavett, mocking the TV-violence debate.
>>
>>If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's
>>life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if
>>there are men on base. --Dave Barry
>>
>>On a tombstone:  "I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK"
>>
>>Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he
>>hasn't eaten in a while.  -- Charles Barkley, after blatantly elbowing an
>>Angolan basketball opponent in the Olympics.
>>
>>Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I
>>repeat myself. -- Mark Twain
>>
>>Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't
>>understand how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
>>Hobbes: Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the front?
>>
>>Laundry instructions on a shirt made by HEET (Korea)
>>For best results: Wash in cold water separately, hang dry and iron with
>>warm iron.
>>For not so good results: Drag behind car through puddles, blow dry on roof
>>rack.
>>
>>The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be
>>when you kill them. -- William Clayton
>>
>>When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important
>>lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.  -- From "Basic
>>Sex Facts For Today's Youngfolk" in "Life in Hell"  by Matt Groening
>>
>>"Time's fun when you're having flies."  Kermit the Frog
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