Subject: How to Tease Your Girlfriend

1. Keep telling her she's not *that* fat.
2. Introduce her to your friends as your little "Suckslut"
3. Insist that she whore herself to buy you an expensive gift.
4. Brag about her blowjob skills to her father.
5. Tell her you can only get aroused if she bleats like a sheep.
6. Replace her birth control pills with laxatives.
7. Insist on drinking out of her diaphragm at the dinner table.
8. Shave her cat.
9. Rape her cat.
10. Say that if she *really* loved you, she would wipe your butt after each
     bowel movement. Even while you're at work.
11. Call out her brother/father's name during sex.
12. Tell her you are into group golden showers.
13. Suggest lesbian sex with her sister.
14. Dig her used tampons out of the garbage and return them to her.
15. Have her be the only girl at a "Three Stooges" marathon.
16. Lock the toilet seat in an upright position.
17. Pretend to go down on her, then cough up some dead flies (NOTE: requires
     prop dead flies).
18. Urinate in her mouth and innocently say "at least it wasn't come!"
19. After each sexual act, lean back and sigh..."I've had better..."
20. Buy her nothing but sleazy sex toys on every holiday.